My contracts are not that complicated.  I intentionally make them easy enough for some human resource mouthbreather to understand.  This one potential client that called me on Tuesday has been crying for me to send over some resumes ”in good faith” – they need three people in Nashville ASAP – while they wait for HR [...]

“You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.  You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We are all part of the same compost heap.”

An unemployed executive chef’s offer comes in at 68.5, and he is looking for 70.  So he turns it down and calls me at 7 AM, telling me how [...]

I met a guy that wants me to help write a resume through a friend of a friend, and he seems pretty cool.  But how do you write a resume on a guy that gets kicked out of the Marines in Fiji, winds up making friends in Amsterdam and goes into the porno business, and [...]

I have been waiting for an offer acceptance for a sales manager in Texas for about a week now, and my client’s getting anxious.    I know he’s playing footsie with a iffy offer from some guys based out of the Caribbean and trying to hold my guys hostage for about an additional 5K base, and [...]

I want to reach through my computer screen and slap every single fucking person who keeps me waiting on documents, answers, etc. I just imagine them sitting at their computer screen, watching the .gif of the goddamn dancing baby or looking at the Pants on the Ground guy on Youtube instead of answering my fucking [...]

I have another industry leader type client that is the most disorganized group of humans I’ve ever had the displeasure of working with.  People in the field tell the home office to fuck off, HR is in a million places at once, and corporate level leadership is more concerned about typing out inevitably ignored memos [...]

I have this client under contract that does job fairs about once a quarter, and I and another recruiter are invited to send our candidates to them for 80% of our fee if they are hired as entry level sales reps.  This place isn’t WalMart or Denny’s, but it’s where the folks that think they [...]

This is pretty fucked up, even by jobFAIL standards.

There’s a candidate that constantly contacts me who’s been looking for a new job for at least six months, and he’s pretty employable.  Nice guy, decent tenure, dresses sharp, even breathes through his nose.  The catch is that he won’t look at any position that doesn’t have [...]

I am working with a rather nice Japanese restaurant chain that is looking for a Director of PR.  Japanese fluency is a requirement, as the hands-on ownership doesn’t speak much English and there are trips to Tokyo involved.

Obviously, the ideal candidate is a American of Japanese descent that grew up speaking both in the home [...]

I really dislike it when clients call my office and demand to be prioritized.  In my world, most-favored-company status is attained by the amount of your fee or how easy it is to get someone hired.  Especially if this isn’t an exclusive.   This particular “industry leader” has called me three times demanding candidates even when [...]